BECOMING A MISSIONARY TO YOUR HEART
PRINCIPLE: LIFE IS PAINFUL
- Some as a result of childhood trauma.
- Some as a result of events in adulthood.
MOST OF US TEND TO REPRESS OUR PAIN
- Real hurt self is repressed, and a false “coping” self emerges.
- When hurts are repressed, they eat away at the heart.
- As the heart becomes full of pain, there is less space for love, joy, or beauty.
- Relationships become distorted.
GAMES THAT PEOPLE PLAY WITH THEIR FALSE “COPING” SELF
“Play It Again Sam” – Repetition
- People who keep setting themselves up repeatedly to get hurt or hurt others. This allows for their hurt to be expressed, though it is destructive.
Hide and Seek – Hurt/Anger/Fear
- “Fear of Love” – People who have an approach-avoidance with relationships. Fear/Hurt/Anger cause them to pursue then withdraw, resisting intimacy.
- Gertrude was a big fat pig who loved to wallow in her food. She would chew/regurgitate. Some people do this with their anger. They just can’t let it go.
Meat Cleaver Syndrome
- People who pound themselves with self-critical statements and grind themselves up, often so others won’t have to.
Trivia Delight Champion
- People who focus on the minutia of insignificant details to defend against confronting difficult issues. Attention goes to minor issues rather than confronting reality of hurts.
- People who just “freeze” and close when they get angry, creating a sense of false safety for themselves and provoking frustration and powerlessness in those trying to relate to them.
- A “whirlwind of fury” – causing people around them to be afraid and almost feel the need to take cover. The way anger is expressed causes a lot of damage to those in its path!
The Blame Game – “the Lucy Syndrome” (Charlie Brown)
- Lucy constantly “puts down” Charlie Brown as one who “can’t do anything right.” She uses superiority and blame to cover her own inadequacies and projects them onto him.
The Preacher Syndrome
- Sometimes when people are afraid or don’t know how to respond they may start using the scriptures very rigidly to control others or themselves. God’s truth sets us free. If it is used to “control” it reflects the insecurity of the person rather than the freedom God promises.
The Expert “Intellectual”
- Sometimes as a defense against anxiety or fear, people put on the “expert” hat to distance themselves from the person who is hurting. They become “all adequate” to cover the fear of their own inadequacies.
Working on your hurt trail helps you to “take charge of your heart.” Proverbs 4:23 -“Guard your heart, for out of it come the issues of life.” This helps you to confront issues rather than game-playing to avoid them.
AWARENESS, CONFRONTATION, SURRENDER
Moving from Wounds to Worship involves:
- Awareness: Recognizing the issues.
- Confrontation: Having courage to work through the hurt trail (i.e., possibly working with a therapist).
- Surrender: Yielding issues, pain, etc. to God through honest, open prayer, identifying with and accepting Christ’s provisions for grace and forgiveness.
David Allen, MD
Minirth-Meier & Byrd Clinic, P.A.
Providing Resources for a Life of Discovery