Steps In Discovering The Opportunity In Your Crisis


  1. This is a time to take care of yourself and find out what your needs are.


  1. Going over your “story,” telling it again and again is necessary. You need to do that to get past it. Tell it until you get tired of hearing it.


  1. Support from others.
  • Build your own team (friends, family, ministers, counselors, etc.).
  • Make agreements with people about how they are willing to be helpful and use them as you need them.
  • If you work outside the home, decide if your work area can be a supportive environment or just a distraction.


  1. Learn to treat yourself well.
  • Deal with your feelings (learn coping skills) – hit pillows, talk, exercise, walk, relaxation techniques.
  • What have you always wanted to do but couldn’t because of your marriage (things that you liked to do but your partner didn’t)? What do you like to do? DO IT!


  1. Remember that though the process takes 1-2 years, it’s time-limited. There will be an end to it.


  1. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Don’t expect too much from yourself during this stressful time.


  1. Recognize the loss: It’s real, but you will survive.
  • Let yourself feel the pain.
  • It’s proof you’re alive.
  • You will get through it faster and will feel better.


  1. Remember that you are okay.


  1. Give yourself time to heal. Progress will come and go.


  1. Your body needs energy to repair.
  • Listen to your physical needs.
  • Once you feel rested, then get yourself in gear!


  1. Keep decision-making to a minimum. Judgment is clouded when people are under stress.


  1. Surround yourself with things that are alive (plants, fish, flowers).


  1. Reaffirm your beliefs.


  1. Schedule activities on weekends and holidays. These are difficult times during divorce. By preparing for them ahead of time, you’ll be better able to handle them.


  1. If mementos bind you painfully to the past, hide them or get rid of them.


  1. Plan for a positive outcome.


  1. Eat well.


  1. Forgive others, forgive yourself.


  1. Start anew!